Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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