i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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