just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am naked and annoyed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
