sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
