he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
