She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
