I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
