OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
