I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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