Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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