i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
