btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
