I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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