i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
