Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Please don't give away my fajitas
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
