at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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