5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
