Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
