Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
