last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
