Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
