is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
