The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
