he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
