I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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