Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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