can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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