I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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