Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
