Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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