Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
