im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
