You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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