I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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