I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
