If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
