Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
