Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
