We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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