He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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