In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
