so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
