I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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