I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
