i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
