So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
