I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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