Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
