Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
