is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
