This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
